


Just Decide

by kitarin



Category: Kamen Rider Ghost
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6343027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/pseuds/kitarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?</p><p>(Takeru's thoughts - spoilers e. 23 - as always, unapologetic songfic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Decide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ekala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekala/gifts).



_o/~_ _It's a nice day for a swim_ __  
_Tie the weights around my feet and stumble in_ __  
_And dare the tide to turn ~/o_ __  


 

  
“WAIT! STOP! PLEASE!”  
  
Watching in shock and horror as the Eyecons fly off in every direction, Takeru already knows the words he's screaming are completely and utterly useless. _He_ is completely useless – angry and scared and indecisive and resentful and – he runs after them anyway, leaving the fight, leaving the decision, far behind him in the dust. Leaving Alain fighting for his life. Leaving Makoto calling his name.  
  
_I can't do this._  
  
But it's not really behind him. It's in front of him, on top of him, suffocating him with the weight of it, and he wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to kick things but his toes still ache from kicking a metal pole an hour ago. Onari would have fret, had he seen. Akari would have yelled at him for being hot-headed. Kanon would have made that sad little concerned face.  
  
_There's no point._  
  
Breathing burns his lungs, but he runs harder, vision blurring, angry that he can still feel anguish like this – physically, mentally, emotionally – even though he's only a fucking _ghost_. If he can turn invisible, then why can't he turn off pain? Feelings? Why can't he just _know_ the answers? Why do the Ganma have no feelings when he has so many? Why live forever if you feel nothing? Why? Why was his father trying to connect these worlds? Why? Why? Why? So many unanswered whys!  
  
_I'm sorry, Dad._

  
It's not fair. _It's not fair!_ All of these people depending on him, asking of him... his own life all but forgotten in the wake of thinking he could use the wish to shut down the path between worlds. How is that more selfish or wrong a wish than wishing for his own life back? He just wants to do the right thing, the thing that saves everyone, the thing that makes everyone happy... but when he doesn't know what that is, then what is he supposed to do? Good from evil, friend from foe, dead or alive... the lines are all completely blurred...  
  
He can't see anything.  
  
So that's it.  
  
He's done.  
  
He won't decide anything.  
  
He won't do anything.  
  
He can't do anything.  
  
He'll just lay here on the rocks, in the sun, or the rain, until 65 days are up, until he fades away into the burnt out nothingness he already feels like inside...  
  
...but he stays visible, despite the effort it requires.  
  
Even after Yurusen comes to scold him.  
  
Because he's a little sick of himself too.  
  


* * *

  
_o/~_ _I've been waiting here so long_ __  
_Hoping the answers would just somehow come along_ __  
_It takes time to learn_ __  
_But I've got no more time to burn ~/o_  
  


* * *

 

Dust swirls around him, choking him, clouding his vision -

  
_I'm disappointed in you._  
  
Makoto's words jar him out of another nightmare with a sharp gasp, and he sits up, clutching one hand to his chest. His heart is pounding, his insides are crawling – _Makoto_ – and he can't sleep. Hasn't slept properly for days.  
  
That's part of the problem, part of why everything went so wrong today, that he was exhausted and strung out and emotional – _I can't_ –  
  
Either he's moving without thinking or his thoughts are simply racing too fast to comprehend, but he's out the door and down the steps of the temple in what feels like a single blink. It's the middle of the night, though, and the city is eerily silent as he walks, soothing in a way that it never is during the day.  
  
He's never wished more that he could talk to Makoto, but just thinking of his friend hurts... and yet somehow calms him at the same time. Touching a gentle finger to the bruise on his cheek, he winces, unsurprised to find that his feet have carried him back to the water's edge, back to where Makoto's fist and Makoto's words had left their mark.

  
“...I keep acting like I'm all alone in this...” He isn't sure if he's talking to Makoto or his father or just himself, but the words come anyway, his voice hoarse from crying himself to sleep earlier. “But... you all keep fighting with me, protecting me, protecting each other... and I... I'm a fool if I look past that compassion... that understanding...”  
  
Reaching into his haori, he pulls out his own Eyecon, turning it so that the moonlight reflects, making it shine brightly. “If Akari and Onari can learn to get along, then... why can't we learn to get along with the Ganma? Is it... is it really any different?” It's easy to hear the voices of his friends, and to see their smiling and nodding in his mind's eye, and he feels his heart lift a little.  
  
It takes awhile longer of staring out over where the water before he reaches in with his other hand and pulls out the Eyecon he can't help but think of as his father's essence, and just holding it makes his hand feel conmfortingly warm. “...I know you wouldn't want me to give up, Dad...” After all, he'd already made one wish happen – he'd brought Kanon back to life, his friend and Makoto's dear sister. Someone who definitely deserved a second chance... “...and you... you were selfless.... you gave me a second chance...to do the right thing...”  
  
Makoto had tried to ask him for that, tried to ask him to be true to his own heart... and fear had cost him. Being indecisive had cost him. “...maybe there's someone _I_ need to give a second chance to...”  
  
The Eyecons had returned to him in full power – not just his own, but all 15 of them – and he hadn't forgotten why...  
  
_My friends are irreplaceable! They're a part of me!_  
  
Holding his own Eyecon in one hand and his father's in the other, Takeru closes his eyes, imagines Makoto's face... imagines Makoto's Eyecon... and then he whispers, hoping the wind will carry those words. “...your hopes... opened my eyes... because of you, I still have the chance to make this right...”  
  


He's going to burn bright until the very end.

  
“...and for that I'm grateful.”

 _o/~ My arms feel stronger now than ever before_  
_My eyes see far beyond the tide_  
_The only sure way to lose_  
_Is being afraid to choose_  
_So just decide_  
_Just decide ~/o_

 


End file.
